Every choice is an answer

If everything goes well (here I wouldn’t say “as planned”), I should have finished my undergraduate studies in the summer of 2026 and entered graduate school to be a master student or a PhD. Looking back, it feels unreal that I have gone through everything and what led me towards where I am right now. I guess some kind of “passiveness” was inside of me, and the number of choices I have to make over the five years is much more than the total of multiple-choice questions I have encountered in the last 10 years. The life experience itself taught me a lesson: In the multiple-choice question related to “life”, you probably never know if your answer is the “right” answer immediately after you make your choice. Moreover, this question does not allow you to “guess” or “delay”, as these are also the choices you made, as an answer.

When does it begin

Eleven years ago, I went into a middle school with good academic results (a lot of students are able to get good exam scores and get into good high schools in the city). Then I got into one of the best high schools in my city, and I was expected to take the college entrance exam to go to a university. During my three years of high school, I wasn't the typical "good student" who loved studying. I was reprimanded and had my phone confiscated at least three times. I often skipped my noon naps to play soccer with my classmates on the field. During evening self-study, instead of doing my homework, I would take walks around the campus and the track. Even in the afternoons just a few days before the Gaokao, I was still out there playing soccer.

The sky of the evening of the 3nd day of Gaokao.

The sky of the evening of the 3nd day of Gaokao.

After Gaokao, I was not feeling the excitement and relief that I imagined during the final weeks of preparation. I went back home and got something to eat. I planned to hang out with friends, but finally I just stayed at home and slept until the next morning.

Tucked inside my university admission letter were some origami papers that could be folded into three small boats.

Tucked inside my university admission letter were some origami papers that could be folded into three small boats.

I was not able to get into the CS department and I started to learn mechanical engineering. Universities are good places to study, but to be honest, I have never spent more than 5 hours in the university library during my two years’ stay at the university. I just went to the class, did the homework, and took the exams, as a typical high school student, and sometimes I went to play soccer with other students, or stayed in the dorm playing video games with roommates.

I sometimes heard senior students talking about something like internships, research, and finding a job, but these did not make much sense to me. Time just passed at a normal pace, without anything exciting or special.

But something did happen in the spring of 2022, when I just came back home from the university, and I did not feel well and had a high fever for about half a month. My mother insisted that I go to the hospital to examine my body status, but I didn’t go until I finished all my final exams online.